I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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