If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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