i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
