it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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