hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
