The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We are two peas in an std pod
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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