Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Your cock deserves a montage
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
