I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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