So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
