There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
