I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
