after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Randomize
