my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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