Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
