Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
