that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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