He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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