Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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