We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
