I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I will pee on everything he values.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
