Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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