She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
