I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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