the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
