I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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