im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
