Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
