At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
