Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
