I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
