i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
This house was built for laser tag.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As shirtless as possible
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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