I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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