I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
