I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
