WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
