My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
