So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
