You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
