i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
