your parents love me but you hate me
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
