If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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