I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
