I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
