I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
