So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
