you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
