I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
