I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
