just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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