i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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