did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Pants are for mortals
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
