Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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