Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
